No caption necessary, a picture is worth a thousand words!

Dumbass of the Month Nominee #5, Senatoress Hillary Rodham Clinton, New York (D)

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Good God Almighty, isn't there a muzzle out there big enough to get around this broad's pie hole? This one is gonna be short and sweet. As much as I despise this (alleged) woman, I refuse to waste more than a few minutes on her.
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Thankfully, Hillary has lately been taking the advice of her handlers and keeping her mouth shut. Some time ago they figured out that she loses potential votes any time she pipes up as it does nothing but reveal she has indeed graduated to that next level of stupidity. It's the old saying, "If you are stupid, it's better to keep quiet and let people wonder rather than open your mouth and confirm it."
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Last week, of course, it was handlers be damned- wild horses couldn't keep her away. With so much potential publicity you just knew she'd come sniffing around. This broad is drawn to cameras, microphones, and lights like. . . well. . . like her husband is drawn to chubby interns. She couldn't resist the photo op and the chance to bestow some her wisdom upon all of us underlings. Just what business a New York Senatoress had down here is anyone's guess, I'm thinking she heard something about a dike in New Orleans busting loose and got the wrong idea.
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This idiot calling for an investigation into FEMA is like Saddam Hussein demanding I go to jail for the pack of baseball cards I lifted when I was 10. One investigation at a time, honey. How about you cough up those Rose Law Firm documents and we get that investigation taken care of first?
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You didn't call for an investigation when Michael Brown kept things well in hand after Florida got slapped with four hurricanes in a row, did you? Jeb Bush and Mike Brown had it by the balls. Ask yourself what the variables are here. Toss one inept, power hungry Governoress from Louisiana in the mix and you've all the sudden got the biggest mess this country has ever seen.
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If you aren't going to pick up a pitchfork and some body bags and go to work maybe you could stand in the morgue to keep the stiffs cold or let us use Chelsea as a cadaver dog. If you don't like those options then carry your doughnut-bumping ass back to the Hampton's, your sham marriage, and your zipper chest husband and stay out of the damn way!

"Dumbass of the Month" Honorable Mention: Any Fearmonger

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After the recent tragedy on the Gulf Coast, it’s galling to watch so many self-appointed “experts” leap behind the nearest microphone to scream “I told you so!” Being ignored by thinking people for so many years they now bask in the glow of their righteousness, their fringe doomsday prophecies finally coming to fruition. Damn the suffering. This is justice and vindication, at last!
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Many of these “experts” erringly used this disaster throughout the past week to advance the mistaken assumption that global warming has spawned a disproportionately large number of unusually powerful hurricanes in recent years- a classic example of, “If we repeat it enough, it will become the truth.” Five minutes of fact checking proves otherwise.
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It is uncertain- at best- whether or not the global warming theory is correct. What can’t be argued, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, is that 97 hurricanes struck the U. S. between 1851- 1900. 95 struck from 1901- 1950. From 1951- 2000 only 72 hurricanes hit the U. S. Starting 1851 - 2004 we averaged 6 major (class 3, 4 or 5) storms per decade. Since 1970 – 2004 it’s been 5 major storms per decade. One can retrieve this information at http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/pastdec.shtml

There’s plenty for all the fear mongers to worry about if they must, they needn’t create difficulties where none exist. In order to avoid compounding our real problems by acting upon theories and emotion we should focus our energies where need be only after thorough examination of facts and evidence. The sky, Chicken Little, has yet to fall.

Sandy Slips Under The Radar

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This one falls under the "blink and you missed it" header but obviously, should be a much bigger story.

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Conveniently, ol' Sandy Berger was sentenced in the midst of larger news. He was fined $10,000 for "inadvertently" destroying documents he "accidently removed" from the National Archives that Bill Clinton had asked him to "review" before they were sent to the 9/11 Commission.

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How does someone "accidently" stuff documents into their socks and walk out with them? Joe Six Pack couldn't use that as an explaination if he got busted lifting a pack of smokes from a Circle K but somehow it's good enough for swiping classified materials from the National Archives?

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I don't blame Sandy. Lord knows he was likely only given two choices, the other involving a shallow plot near Mena, Arkansas next to several other of Clinton's ex-friends. My question is, why is the media not howling about it? Replace the name Clinton with Bush and you'd have a story that even the Amish couldn't get away from.

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I'm no conspiracy nut but it's plain that there is enough evidence to indicate a cover up of some sort which probably involves the Clinton administration missing some clues about the 9/11 plot. How can it be that the same people who believe Halliburton created a hurricane and George Bush steered it into New Orleans can look at this Berger story and just shrug. "Nah, I can't see that anything shady was possibly going on there. Looks like it was all on the up and up to me."

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Of course, I doubt anyone could build much of a case being that the documents in question have been destroyed. Like I said during the whole Lewinsky fiasco, "It's not that he did it; it's that he was dumb enough to get caught. Imagine how damaging his REAL mistakes are; the ones he HAS made sure to cover up!"

Dumbass of the Month Honorable Mention: Governoress Kathleen Sebelius, Kansas (D)

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Yes indeed, I have done nothing other than bash Democrats up to this point but hang in there, there are a couple of Republicans in the pipeline. I just haven't gotten to them yet. I'm no Republican hack. Like I said, I'm a Goldwater Conservative and we don't currently have any representation that I know of.

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"What is potentially harmful about this whole situation is that people lose faith in the fact that the government can be a protector."

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This quote jumped off the page and slapped me in the face as I flipped through the communist propaganda pamphlet which passes for our local newspaper. Dumbest thing I've heard in the last 24 hours.

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In case you haven't noticed, the people who survived Katrina were the ones who figured out long before the storm hit that the government couldn't protect them, you stupid bitch. People who have learned that they can't depend on the government isn't "potentially harmful" it is precisely the solution.

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Obviously the Governoress has shoveled "The governement will take care of you cradle to grave" horseshit for so long that she no longer notices the smell. No one can take care of themselves better than themselves! This woman believes that people NOT being on the government tit is a BAD thing!

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Here's a newsflash, you dumb broad: Government is NOT what makes this country work. It is the hard working, forward thinking, motivated, visionaries who are the citizens of this country who make it work. You think Howard Dean whining up in Vermont is actually helping to ease the suffering? Hell no! It's the people down here making meals, rebuilding levees, draining flood water and getting their hands dirty in a thousand other ways who are actually making a difference.

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The knee-buckling level of stupidity in the statement made by this particular Governoress has left me with a migraine. Nice to know, however, that we aren't the only ones with a complete nitwit for a Governoress.

-YAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!!!

Dumbass of the Month Nominee #4, DNC Chairman Howard Dean, Vermont (D)

I hadn't considered this dumbass for a nomination until this morning but hell, he'll likely end up being the Lance Armstrong of the Dumbass of the Month contest as one can always count on Howard Dean to say something moronic at least every 30 days.
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This morning he pulled out that tired, dog-eared, worn, old race card and slapped it on the table once again. He stated that race and economic status played a part in who survived and who did not. And the nation collectively rolled its eyes.
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I'll allow that poor people don't have the means that the wealthy do, but this is America- you've got the opportunities to change things for yourself. It merely requires drive and determination, I can say this from personal experience- that's why people risk their lives to come here. It's not exactly profound to state that the poor had a tougher time getting by. That's always been the case, always will be.
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As for race, only a Democrat could watch a black Mayor abandon the black people in the black neighborhoods and scream "racism!" Only a Democrat could watch a white man dangle from helicopter to pluck a black woman from a rooftop and scream "racisim!" Only a Democrat could see thousands of white people setting up shelters, handing out food and clothing and scream "racism!"
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Only a self-absorbed Democrat asshole from the lily white/bluest blue state of Vermont- a state among those states whom have helped the LEAST- could look down his damn Yankee nose at southern states bursting at the seams and scream "racism!"

The "Babineaux" is added on during election years to pull votes in south Louisiana.

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Dumbass of the Month Nominee #3: Governoress Kathleen Blanco

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Did I mention that I wasn't putting the nominees in any particular order? If I were, I would've had to put our Governoress first or second as I consider her one of the front runners. Her mistakes, at this point, are too numerous to catalog. I don't have the drive space. I'll touch on some recent highlights.

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Everyday I've done my best to crucify Governoress Blanco. She deserves nothing less. Only today, nine days into the man-made disaster that started as a natural one, did she declare martial law and let the military take over completely. I expect to hear all you idiots out there who bitched about the Feds dragging their feet to come unglued over this one. When asked why it took so long to make such an obvious move, an aid who didn't want to be identified stated, "Well, if the military takes over now they'll be able to criticize some of the mistakes she made."

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Tonight, I found out why she made this move when she did. A number of National Guard members have been issued gag orders! Somewhere along the way the Governoress apparently figured out that she had failed utterly and completely. No shit, huh?

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She wanted to turn over the operation- if you can call it that- to the Feds but was obviously afraid there would be a number of National Guardsmen all too willing to run to their new bosses and spill the beans about what a mess her administration had made of things, like that wasn't brutally evident to any person who'd seen a television anytime during the past week.

Her solution was to issue a gag order to make sure these people keep quite. I can see her now, "Hush, hush everyone! I don't want anyone to find out things have gone sour in New Orleans, so don't say anything, okay?" Nice to see that this manic narcissist is still only thinking of her political future and initiating what will, no doubt, be a far-reaching effort to cover her ass while the bodies are still bloating in the sun.

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I can't imagine the gauling ego this woman must have to even THINK she HAS a political future! What do you expect from a person so stupid that she designated that the use of cell phones was to be an integral part of the state's contigency communications plan. She even gave the wireless companies hell because their networks were inoperable ONCE POWER WENT OUT. Somehow, the Governoress was unaware- as unbelieveable as it sounds- that cell phones utilize microwave transmission towers which- DUH!- don't work during power outages! How about some radios? Satellite phones? Hell, even semaphore flags would've been better than sitting there with that dumb look on your face.

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Ever the decisive one the Governoress- AFTER the Mayor issued a mandatory evacuation of the city- is currently waiting on results from the water tests before she enforces the order. WHAT BRAND OF MORON DOESN'T REALIZE AT THIS POINT THAT THE WATER IN NEW ORLEANS IS TOXIC SLUDGE??!!! This is absolute stupidity on a Biblical scale!

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She's also teamed up with Senatoress Landrieu in seeing to it that President Bush stays pissed off at any split tail who is currently holding a public office in the state of Louisiana. I can't fathom how the sight of Air Force One sparks the rage but for the sake of the people of Louisiana PLEASE restrain the estrogen surges!! The only possible reason I can come up with for this is that she has her eyes on D. C. and is trying to make points with fellow retards like Ted Kennedy. Come to think of it, if you need to talk to anyone about covering your ass when someone drowns and it's your fault, Teddy might be your man! Seriously, better tighten up those resumes ladies because you've got no future in Louisiana.

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If you still haven't made up your mind about the Governoress, try and answer the question "What did she do right?" Good luck with that one.

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Being that I mentioned it earlier, I'll squeeze this last point in. Everyone is griping about the Feds being flatfooted during the initial response. Exactly how easy do ya'll think it is to mobilize and transport thousands of troops and tons of supplies and equipment? It took FEMA and the military less time to do this than it took for you to plan your last vacation. We deployed to Guam in January- about 8 B-52s and 200 or so people- and it took us MONTHS to plan the logistics. Give'em a break. It isn't as easy as they make it look.

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It's a worn and tired cliche but still fits. If Operation FUBAR weren't so tragic, it'd be funny.

He’s just like a catfish: All mouth and no brains.

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Dumbass of the Month Nominee #2: Lt. General Russell Honore

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The media can get as jacked up about this guy as they want- I suppose they think he’s black enough- but he doesn’t impress me one bit. Stomping around an intersection- with cameras in tow- chomping a cigar, cussing enlisted men, and doing anything else that he thinks will make him look like a tough guy won’t inspire anyone.

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Don’t get me wrong, I’m old school. I like more Patton and less patent leather in the military but this guy ain’t pulling it off. I’ve had more than a few R rated conversations with subordinates but you do that type of thing, if necessary, IN PRIVATE. Not in front of the other men.

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I’ve got 15 years of military experience under my belt and I can tell you exactly what the guy on top of the Hummer whom Honore barked at was thinking after the General made sure to embarrass him on national television by hollering like a mental patient “Put that God damn weapon down!” I’ve been on the receiving end of the same bullshit a number of times- a wannabe officer with little man syndrome and a chip on his shoulder trying to give the appearance he knows half of what the hell is going on. That trooper thought, “You know, here I am volunteering to come down and lend a hand and this asshole takes a big shit on me for doing it. Take your three stars and wipe your ass with them, buddy- to hell with this.” He probably is looking to catch the first ride out of there back home.

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That was a courageous kid going out of his way to do an honorable thing. You don’t jump his ass for it. That same trooper likely made up his mind about re-enlisting right there on the spot. Anytime the Army doesn’t make its recruiting goals, it isn’t because of the deployments, combat, time away from home, low pay or any of the other stuff. It is because of douche bags like Lt. General Coonass. Confidence is not a substitute for intelligence.

Senatoress Mary Landrieu goes to the shithouse to check on her career.

Dumbass of the Month Nominee #1: Senatoress Mary Landrieu of Louisiana (D)

As a citizen of the Great State of Louisiana I’ve got to wonder exactly what it is that “Scary Mary” is trying to accomplish. She seems to be focusing all her efforts ensuring that Louisiana maintain its place at the very top of the President’s shit list.

Staggeringly idiotic statements such as, "If one person criticizes [our sheriffs], or says one more thing, including the president of the United States, he will hear from me - one more word about it after this show airs and I - I might likely have to punch him – literally,” may earn a chuckle and high marks from her Democrat cronies in the beltway but can only serve to irritate the President. Her constituents will shoulder even more of the burden when the President begins issuing aid packages and I can’t blame the guy. “Hmmmm. . . Should I make it 30 billion or 40 billion? How ‘bout 30 billion, smart ass?”

Another gem Mary let loose was, “He [Bush] came down here and got his photo op.” She made this statement while on television with the cameras audibly clicking away. Photo op? No shit. All ya’ll came down for a photo op. Why do you think Obama and Clinton came down from Illinois and New York to stroll through the Astrodome with Oprah? Oddly enough, she didn’t mention either of them.

No doubt she is posturing to try and take the heat off Governoress Blanco and Mayor Nagin and, like any elected official in south Louisiana right now, salvaging her own career. She needn’t waste her time; the media is working that problem 24/7. I fail to see how pissing off the man holding the money will help the people of Louisiana in any way, shape or form. Pop some Midol and curb your PMS, bitch. You have people down here just trying to survive and you’re taking cheap shots and having slap fights with the man in charge. Get in the back seat, shut the hell up, and let the man drive!

A week ago when I started this little venture, I decided that sometime during the course of the month I would start a “Dumbass of the Month” competition. I can only assume that there was a leak somewhere because the number of candidates has increased exponentially days before I even announced the contest.

I am going to include more detail for each at a later date but the short list has already been hashed out. In no particular order: Ray Nagin, Governoress Kathleen Blanco, Senatoress Mary Landrieu, Senatoress Hillary Clinton, Lt. General Russell Honore, Dr. Phil, FEMA Director Michael Brown, and President George W. Bush.

With the flood- no pun intended- of nominees currently pouring in I had to consider a “Dumbass Group of the Month” category but thought better of it as I won’t really have time enough to cover “Dumbass of the Month” adequately. If I did I would have to tap: the thugs and looters of New Orleans, including those “poor refugees,” many of whom deliberately stayed behind so they could have themselves a nice little Christmas in September afterwards. Too bad things didn’t work out quite the way they planned.

The second group would be those baby makers- I can’t call them mothers- who’ve used the evacuation as an opportunity to dump their kids. It’s amusing and sad at the same time to watch these scumbags, once reunited with their children through no effort on their own part, scramble to make up a bullshit story or other lame excuse as to how they were so easily separated to begin with. My favorite so far is, “There was a white man who told me I couldn’t take my baby on the bus.” There has to be a level in Hell for these people that will make the Superdome look like Disneyland.

The third group would have to be the pussy cops in New Orleans who cut and run. Worse, many stopped on the way out to do a little looting themselves. A tough situation? You betcha. So was the Alamo, Gettysburg, The Argonne Forest, Normandy, etc. You're a public servant who enlisted and swore to defend law and order. You're nothing more than cowards. What would I have done? Probably be sitting in jail for shooting every hellraiser I saw or dead because I ran out of ammo and my position was over run. Either way, my honor would've remained entact. I always thought "NOPD" stood for "New Orleans Police Department," not "NO Police Department." Cowards. Mad props to those who were brave enough to say- you're heroes.

The fourth group would be any idiot calling those who live in New Orleans “stupid for living below sea level.” C’mon folks, there are a number of cities out there in imminent danger but people still live in them. No one called those who work in the Trade Centers “stupid” for going back after the first bombing. San Francisco, Miami, Charleston, Houston, Honolulu, and New York are ALL potential disasters. Any city in the Midwest could be flattened by a tornado. Any city on the west coast is in danger of being struck by a tsunami or an earthquake. Any city on the east coast is in danger of being leveled by a hurricane. Living in a country in which Hillary Clinton could become President puts us all in peril. What do we all do? Move to South Dakota? No thanks. I’d die of boredom.

Life is inherently risky. There’s nothing wrong with applying a little caution- leaving a city that has been ordered to evacuate due to an impending catastrophe, for example- but if you live in fear you won’t be doing much living at all. Was Christopher Columbus “stupid” as well? Charles Lindbergh? The Columbia and Challenger astronauts? I’d sooner add life to my years than add years to my life. At the end I want to slide sideways through the pearly gates utterly used up and worn out, look St. Peter in the eye and say, “Man, what a ride! Ya’ll are gonna have to work damn hard if you’re going to beat everything up to this point! Okay, well, I’m here. Point me in the direction of the barbeque pit.”

Several more days into this thing and, though I didn’t think that it was possible, I am even more disgusted by our Governoress than ever.

The question of her impeachment is a no-brainer so far as I am concerned. We need to see that she’s thrown out on her ass. Beyond that, criminal charges should be filed, she should be indicted, tried, and convicted. She should then sit a good many years in the cell next to Edwin Edwards.

This woman made so many critical errors which had such a vastly negative impact the word “incompetent” doesn’t begin to cover it.

One of the first bungles was not seeing that the city WAS ACTUALLY EVACUATED after the order was- too late- given. New Orleans indeed had an evacuation plan for those who could not remove themselves by utilizing 300 of the cities buses. This plan would’ve been fine had the leadership been assertive and concise enough to make this decision in time. However, due to hand-wringing and indecision the Governoress and the Mayor both waited far too long.

The second avoidable mistake was not having the disaster shelters stocked with food and water, a back up power system as well as provisions for security. What good is an unprepared disaster preparedness shelter?

The third grievous error was her refusal to let the operation be federalized at the earliest possible moment. It should’ve been obvious to the Governoress before anyone else- as she didn’t have a plan for anything- the reins should’ve been turned over to someone competent far sooner. The only reason I can fathom for this one is the Governoress had visions of a 9/11 Giulliani-like wave of popularity after it was all over. After a day or two of fumbling, once the ball had clearly been dropped, she mercifully let the people who could help do just that.

The fourth mistake the Governoress is making, and it seems she is teaming up with Senatoress Mary Landrieu on this one, is going out of her way to piss off President Bush. Like it or not, he’s the one holding the purse strings you idiots! You broads would be doing us all a favor if you put the PMS on hold for the next several months and work with this man!

Speaking of the dollars and cents, the a shockingly poignant wrong step that we are ALL currently taking is not keeping an eye on the money. I heard an audible “no” come out of my own mouth when I heard Presidents Bush (41) and Clinton (I hope to God 42 and ONLY 42) say that the money they generate will be distributed to the state and local governments- the same inept morons who made so many errors leading up to this crisis. Money in the hands of a Louisiana politician just has a way of disappearing and after it does no one seems to know a damn thing about what happened to it.

Getting on to something else, I got a reminder of just why I so seldom watch network news or news shows. Watching Nightline, or part of it, last night was an exercise in pure frustration. I’ve never seen such one-sided nonsense since, well, the last time I watched a network news show. “Yes, we’re going to look at who’s to blame” said host what’s his name with the wrinkled brow. This ought to be good. Gee, I just wonder who they’re going to blame. Who was the special guest they had for “objective” commentary? George Stephanopolous! I had to laugh! No one else, just Clinton’s spinmeister. Way to split it right down the middle boys! I really felt like I heard both sides on that one!

I don’t watch network news because I already know what they’re going to say. It’s a waste of time. At least I don’t have to waste time telling you what Stephanopolous said, I’m sure you already know.

And I’ll leave off with this last item: Senatoress Mary Landrieu on television delivering cheap shots concerning President Bush’s visit to the Gulf Coast. “He got his photo op.” Nice Mary, really nice. Of course, you uttered this while you were on television in New Orleans yourself, getting your OWN photo op. We all know you would’ve said something just as ugly had he NOT shown up, so what was the guy supposed to do? Oddly enough, you were silent when Senators Clinton and Obama arrived in Houston with Oprah for their own time in front of the camera.

There weren’t two disasters in New Orleans. There were three: Katrina, the flood and Blanco.