A week ago when I started this little venture, I decided that sometime during the course of the month I would start a “Dumbass of the Month” competition. I can only assume that there was a leak somewhere because the number of candidates has increased exponentially days before I even announced the contest.

I am going to include more detail for each at a later date but the short list has already been hashed out. In no particular order: Ray Nagin, Governoress Kathleen Blanco, Senatoress Mary Landrieu, Senatoress Hillary Clinton, Lt. General Russell Honore, Dr. Phil, FEMA Director Michael Brown, and President George W. Bush.

With the flood- no pun intended- of nominees currently pouring in I had to consider a “Dumbass Group of the Month” category but thought better of it as I won’t really have time enough to cover “Dumbass of the Month” adequately. If I did I would have to tap: the thugs and looters of New Orleans, including those “poor refugees,” many of whom deliberately stayed behind so they could have themselves a nice little Christmas in September afterwards. Too bad things didn’t work out quite the way they planned.

The second group would be those baby makers- I can’t call them mothers- who’ve used the evacuation as an opportunity to dump their kids. It’s amusing and sad at the same time to watch these scumbags, once reunited with their children through no effort on their own part, scramble to make up a bullshit story or other lame excuse as to how they were so easily separated to begin with. My favorite so far is, “There was a white man who told me I couldn’t take my baby on the bus.” There has to be a level in Hell for these people that will make the Superdome look like Disneyland.

The third group would have to be the pussy cops in New Orleans who cut and run. Worse, many stopped on the way out to do a little looting themselves. A tough situation? You betcha. So was the Alamo, Gettysburg, The Argonne Forest, Normandy, etc. You're a public servant who enlisted and swore to defend law and order. You're nothing more than cowards. What would I have done? Probably be sitting in jail for shooting every hellraiser I saw or dead because I ran out of ammo and my position was over run. Either way, my honor would've remained entact. I always thought "NOPD" stood for "New Orleans Police Department," not "NO Police Department." Cowards. Mad props to those who were brave enough to say- you're heroes.

The fourth group would be any idiot calling those who live in New Orleans “stupid for living below sea level.” C’mon folks, there are a number of cities out there in imminent danger but people still live in them. No one called those who work in the Trade Centers “stupid” for going back after the first bombing. San Francisco, Miami, Charleston, Houston, Honolulu, and New York are ALL potential disasters. Any city in the Midwest could be flattened by a tornado. Any city on the west coast is in danger of being struck by a tsunami or an earthquake. Any city on the east coast is in danger of being leveled by a hurricane. Living in a country in which Hillary Clinton could become President puts us all in peril. What do we all do? Move to South Dakota? No thanks. I’d die of boredom.

Life is inherently risky. There’s nothing wrong with applying a little caution- leaving a city that has been ordered to evacuate due to an impending catastrophe, for example- but if you live in fear you won’t be doing much living at all. Was Christopher Columbus “stupid” as well? Charles Lindbergh? The Columbia and Challenger astronauts? I’d sooner add life to my years than add years to my life. At the end I want to slide sideways through the pearly gates utterly used up and worn out, look St. Peter in the eye and say, “Man, what a ride! Ya’ll are gonna have to work damn hard if you’re going to beat everything up to this point! Okay, well, I’m here. Point me in the direction of the barbeque pit.”